Do you feel like it’s your fault that you don’t have as many Feldenkrais clients as you want?
Day 78… It’s Not Your Fault
Do you feel like it's your fault that you don't have as many Feldenkrais clients as you want?
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3 thoughts on “Day 78… It’s Not Your Fault”
Hey Allison,
thanks for your new video. Just the other day I read a notion that changing a habit (like a daily routine) requires about a month of daily repetition, before it gets habitual. And: as it requires practice, you can’t really work on 2 or 3 at a time – this means 30-40 changed habits a year, which is not so bad anyhow 😉 … I found this very interesting (although we could it discuss from our Feldy-perspective as we have our view on habits) and with some very practical applications: if I want to improve my marketing, it seems worthwhile for me to do it step by step. And it’s reasonable not to try to do everything, but pick the things that seem to be most beneficial for me at the moment. So I consider your videos more as a kind of “buffet” (as I consider ATM by the way, too) – I can simply pick what I like, enjoy that and work on it. So that’s what seems very practical and reasonable for me: chose 2 or 3 things to work on next month, to try out, to test, to learn, to improve. And when they became easy like a habit (probably next month), pick something else to work on. So thank you for everything you offer to pick from!!!
One different thing that stroke me: you say I want to help people. You’ve said that before in other videos, too. Maybe I’m gonna become too Feldy-orthodox on that (reference: Moshe’s Dallas Workshop 1981), but for me personally that’s not true. I don’t want to help people! I do help them, sure! And that’s nice. But I don’t define myself as someone who helps other people. If I would do that I would be bound for trouble: I would define my self-esteem around whether my work helped or not. I’ve been thinking about that for quite a while already: why do I do and love this work (and my other passion, which is Tango Argentino, BTW)?
I found a good answer that works for me: it’s about that special, deep encounter that can happen in Feldenkrais (and Tango ;-)) – on a level you seldom get when standing in line in the grocery store 😉 … I really love these moments and they are really independent from whether I help someone or not. I will throw in everything I can and know in a session, oh yes! But whether it works (and helps) or not is totally up to my client.
I’m just writing the latter thing because I believe our self-concept is crucial also in relationship to our business. And helping others might be a great candidate in cross-motivation … In fact, my final goal for an ideal Feldenkrais-lesson looks like: client comes one time and never returns for another lesson, because that lesson opened up whatever doors where nescessary for him/her to continue on his/her own. So there would be no need for another lesson! — Hopefully it results in some referrals, from the business point of view 😉 …
Mmmm … this got longer than planned, but I hope it will foster some fruitful discussion 🙂 …
Thanks again!
Dirk
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Great response, Dirk!
I imagine there are lots of motivations to be a practitioner. Many of the ones I’ve spoken with are interested in helping others, giving back, speaking on a deep level with another human being… and almost all of them would like to make a living doing this work.
Speaking for myself, I DO want to help people. I like seeing others do prosper and grow, and I know I can help them do that. The thing is, that not everyone is my client, and what I’ve learned is to be okay with that. If we’re a good match, the people who want what I have to offer will get what they need. If we’re not a good match, they will find someone else.The problem is that even if your motivation is not about helping the other person, getting what YOU want relies on somehow interacting with the other person so that he moves toward what HE wants (otherwise, why would he bother?). Because most people don’t really know what they want, and we usually don’t find out, it’s hard for people to make the commitment they need to doing as much work as it takes. The idea of “once” is a great goal, and yet most of us need more than that to deal with our habits.If you’re not clear about that, you tend to do a “kitchen sink” first lesson. Then when the person doesn’t come back, you don’t know whether it’s because you effected “a total cure,” opened the door you’re talking about, or confused the person so much that he never comes back.The solution is to learn how to engage with the person on a level at which his real motivation becomes clear, and you connect your ability to see what’s next with the client’s ability to change himself.That’s why I developed “Have a Heart-To-Heart Conversation”… once clients connect that incredible feeling of potency they can feel in a lesson with attaining what they deeply want, and realize that you can help them get it, they are generally ready to commit to a series of lessons. I find that’s useful because most practitioners know their clients can get more from a series of lessons than they can from ONE. The Client and the practitioner both relax into it, the practitioners do better work, feel better about themselves, and start earning a living. That’s my goal.
Hey Allison,
thanks for your reply! The idea of “once” definitely is something I have as a goal for my personal development. I haven’t reached it yet and I think it might need some more decades, if possible at all … that doesn’t really matter for me how long it might take, it’s just important for my attitude to strive for growth and improving.
That brings me to an interesting aspect: having goals/directions. Having things to actively be involved with. This currently seems to be very important for my work with my clients. Lessons become much more meaningful and profound when they are related to a very specific request or topic of interest. If there’s a specific consicous interest it helps people to relate a lesson to that and to continue exploring and integrating on their own. Or to come up with new questions. This was very true for my with my own Feldenkrais-experience: I didn’t have clear personal interests I would like to approach the “Feldenkrais-way”. I was just curious to find out whether the FM is wonderful and great or just a bunch of bullshit. That made me attend my training. And so all ATMs and FIs for me very quite “generic”. So I got all the tools, but didn’t have a work piece to apply them to. That only changed after my training when I started dancing Tango Argentino. And now there was much work ahead! And questions. And Details. And things that didn’t work out right away. And then my Feldenkrais-toolbox came in very handy! Oh yes: I started to appreciate everything I learned in a very different way. And it helped a lot. But I had to build the bridge from the lesson on the floor to the dancing on the dancefloor. I’m striving to bridge that gap in my teaching, too, and I feel it’s sort of working better and better.
But now for something completely different: One thing I learned and put into practice today is this: I had a new client today. We explored the conditions a little together. And I made a recommendation to take a series of lessons. Quite frankly. And I said it: “If you feel like this is something you’d like to do I recommend to take a series of 5 lessons and then check for first results.” And yeah, she agreed. Well, she’ll be away for a vacation of a forthnight and will call me then. I was wondering whether that will happen, or whether I should have fixed a first date right away. I’m gonna see. So thank you Allison for that impuls (I don’t know which video # it is 😉 …)!!! And even yesterday I made a similar recommendation to one of my students in my ATM class. She had a question about her shoulder, which is aching since a recent accident. I did some 5-minute-little touch-and-recommendation-for-playing-around and then I said: “Well, you know I’m offering privates. If you’re interested in that you can of course always approach me. In your case I think about 4-7 lessons will help you a big deal.” So I’m curious about what’s gonna happen next. Thanks again, Allison! 🙂
Dirk