Allison Rapp

How To Be a Hero When You Feel Like a Wallflower

If you feel like a wallflower in social settings, you could be missing the chance to connect with people who would see you as a hero--if only you felt like you could talk to them! Here's how to make that happen.

Although I’ve always felt just fine at my own party, I was the poster-child for “Wallflower” at YOUR party… out-of-place, alone and wishing I’d stayed home to read a book.

If you invited me, my first tactic would be to say I couldn’t be there, but of course, that didn’t always work.

If I really couldn’t get out of going, I had a fall-back strategy: once I arrived, I would find a place to sit or stand where I could wallow in my awkwardness without being seen by everyone else—melting into the wall was my first choice. From there, I would focus on trying to make myself tolerably comfortable until it was time to leave…early. Most often I could tell it was time to go because I was getting faint from the shallow breathing that accompanied my anxiety.

That’s why I was so surprised to learn that the majority of people would rather have someone say “Hi!” to them, than be the one to open the conversation. In fact, once I began to start conversations instead of waiting for the other person to do it, I realized there was something else going on—that skill by itself was giving me credibility I lacked when I stood in the corner, making it hard to find me.

People started telling me that they felt comfortable talking to me… and one day I realized that was the key.

When I focused on my own awkwardness and discomfort, it just got worse and worse. I didn’t meet anyone, nobody got to find out who I am, and I left the room with relief. But when I focused on making the other person comfortable, they saw me as if I had some kind of super-power to make them feel like they belonged.

It was magnetic… and it wasn’t even that hard. All I had to do was show up with a mental watering can, so that I could nourish the other wallflowers in the room! That made other people realize I thought their comfort was more important than my own.

Turns out—that’s a key component of getting clients. It’s about coming from service, and most of us are quite capable of doing it once clients are in our studio—for me, that’s like hosting my own party. It’s easy when I’m in my own space…because I own the space!

What makes all the difference? Being able to be in my higher self no matter where I am, so that the mindset of service makes it easy to open a conversation. Then I don’t have to wait for an opportunity to fall into my lap—I can create it myself!

Transformational Leadership doesn’t just happen!

We have to find the places in ourselves that need tilling, seeding, weeding and watering. We need to commit to making it happen and if we need help we have to go get it. That’s what keeps us growing, blooming—moving—so that we can be found by the people we’re here to serve.

Because… why would anyone choose you to help them bloom and grow, if you aren’t blossoming, yourself?

Need help?

If you’re on board with being a hero, but stumped about how to start a conversation that goes somewhere meaningful, I invite you to have a look at Heart-to-Heart.

It will show you how to make service part of your attraction model, give you the support and encouragement to make it happen, and teach you tools, ideas, and help to make it feel like you. 😉  It’s the only program of its kind in the world—designed for… and by… a practitioner like you, who guides clients to transformation through touch.


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